Surviving school holidays with kids who need routine
The approach of school holidays can be met with a range emotions, for children and parents alike. Some yearn for a chance to unwind and have pajama days at home, whilst others look forward to playdates, preparing for Christmas, school holiday programs, and day trips.
For children who thrive on the structure and routine of school, however, the thought of school holidays can be a significant source of anxiety.
Where possible, create a holiday routine
Routine is so important for a number of children, particularly those with anxiety, ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders. Routine provides a sense of control and predictability, and a source of comfort. Without a routine, their anxiety can increase, their ability to regulate their emotions deteriorates, and management of sensory issues goes out the window.
Introducing a flexible holiday routine from the start of the holidays can alleviate some of these issues. A holiday routine is a practical way to maintain an element of structure for your family, whilst not needing to be too strict.
The goal of the holiday routine is to ensure families know what to expect each day, without being overly restrictive, and should allow for spontaneous opportunities or unforeseen circumstances to occur. The benefit is that parents are on the same page, kids know what’s expected of them, and they will be less impacted should things change. Their anxiety will be lessened by the reassurance this provides.
As flexibility is the key, it can be helpful to add some ‘mystery ‘time slots, so that kids can learn to sit with ambiguity, and to allow opportunities for them to suggest ideas for the holiday routine.
Finally, it’s important for the routine to be visually available to everyone, as a reminder of what to (and not to) expect from each day. Many kids have activities and interests that are incredibly soothing (one might say obsessional) for them, but that can be a source of family distress when it’s time to put it away. By clearly indicating on the routine when they will have access to their preferred interests, they will be better able to manage putting it away as they can clearly picture when they will get it back.
Utilise Social Stories for new situations and holidays
Carol Gray’s technique of Social Stories is a highly effective technique used by parents and educators alike to prepare kids who struggle with change for new situations and experiences. Social Stories provide key verbal and visual information addressing the what, why, where, when, how and who of new situations. Amazing examples are available in Carol’s books, and online.
Balance activities according to energy required and sensory overload
Leading ASD author Tony Attwood has coined the term “Energy Accounting” which suggests that it is particularly important for neuo-atypicals to manage their daily activities to ensure they have a balance of ‘energy-in’ and ‘energy-out’ activities. This should also apply to the holiday routine, keeping in mind how overwhelming even familiar places can become over the holiday season – decorations, festive music, queues and crowds can overwhelm kids quickly. Therefore, it’s important to schedule a balance of low and high energy activities across each day to prevent meltdowns.
With this in mind, the holiday routine should aim to schedule no more than one activity each day that is likely to overwhelm anyone in the family, avoiding the temptation to fit as much into one day as possible. Half-day excursions followed by an afternoon of rest are much more likely to be successful. Some retailers and movie theatres are also advertising “low sensory” time slots when people who are easily overwhelmed can still participate in daily activities, so keep an eye out for the times.
There are a range of quiet activities that families can enjoy together, including arts and craft, board games, reading, puzzles, movies and music. It is important to have some of these on hand at all times, so kids have options rather than their preferred interests.
Prioritise self-care
Many parents find this a might task, but remember the aircraft safety briefing mantra – you can’t help others with their oxygen masks if you’re not breathing yourself!
Be creative, and use opportunities – even as brief as 10 minutes – to take a break. When the kids are focused on their latest obsession, use that time to enjoy some time for yourself. Call on supportive family, friends and parents who understand the needs of a highly routine child and negotiate ways to share the load.
Finally, watch your self-talk. It’s easy to jump on the ‘thought train’ of “these holidays will be awful - full of meltdowns, Minecraft and misery”. Take a breath. Let that train pass as you stand on the platform, and wait for the “I got this” thought train and jump on!
All aboard!