Boys Don't Cry; Masculinity & Mental Health

Disclaimer - this blog discusses the topic of suicide. If you require immediate support, call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue 1300 224 636.

The relationship between gender and mental health is complex and intriguing. For example, research consistently reflects a gender difference in terms of suicide rates. Statistics reflect that Australian males are three times more likely to die by suicide than females and account for 75% of deaths by suicide. Similarly, the number of men who die by suicide in Australia every year is nearly double the national road toll.

So why are men more likely to die by suicide than females and how can we help?

One theory that helps to explain this gender difference is the Gender Strain Paradigm. According to this theory, the concept of masculinity is socially constructed by forces such as the media, parents and peers. Through this process, men learn society's expectations of acceptable masculine behaviours, ideas and emotions. We can see this through examples such as what toys we encourage boys to play with (e.g. trucks, cars and guns that encourage being outside, moving fast with limited connection) versus what toys we encourage girls to play with (e.g. play ovens, dolls, games that focus on connection and softness). This is then exacerbated by societal expectations that men are "strong" and stoic.

One of the negative consequences of the current socially constructed concept of masculinity is that men are less likely to talk about their feelings. Expression of emotions other than anger is commonly considered a feminine trait by society meaning that men are less likely than females to express other emotions and instead pretend that everything is OK. Shame about struggle, or fear of being judged for vulnerability contributes to men being less likely to ask for help or accessing the mental health support they need. In the face of struggle this can lead to a really dark mental space very quickly. 

Socially constructed beliefs such as ‘boys don't cry’ and ‘showing vulnerability is weakness’ are unhelpful and are likely to be perpetuating high rates of male suicide. Many men obey this rule at a subconscious level and are unaware of the negative impact it may be having on them. The reality is that all humans have an emotional centre in the brain which can be heightened under pressure and stress. Without knowing it is okay to ask for help, or feeling as if they must ‘be tough’, men can be left struggling with grief, financial pressure and relationship stress. Further, men are just as vulnerable to mental health difficulties such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and adjustment disorders.

 

Here are some strategies for managing mental health for anyone who identifies as a male:

  • Reduce alcohol and other substance use. Increased alcohol and other substance use increases suicide risk. Remember, alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse despite any short-term ‘benefits’. Hello Sunday Morning/ Daybreak is a fantastic online resource you use to assist you with reducing alcohol use.

  •  If talking about your feelings feels too overwhelming, start by identifying them yourself. You can use an emotions wheel found freely on the internet to get your started (e.g. https://www.calm.com/blog/the-feelings-wheel). Once you have developed your emotional vocabulary, say to yourself ‘I'm feeling......(emotion)’ when you notice yourself feeling that way. Giving your experience a label is cathartic and will help you express your feelings to others in a healthy way or decide on other healthy ways to cope.

  •  Be mindful of withdrawal patterns. Chances are if you are depressed, you have started to withdraw away from good friends and that this pattern is making you feel worse. Reach out to a friend to plan an activity that helps you to feel better. Start small, and slowly increase your uplifting activity.

  •  Ensure you plan enjoyable activities for yourself that don't involve substance use. If you are lacking in recreational activities right now, reflect on what activities you enjoyed when you were younger and try booking yourself an adult class. Gentle exercise, using the creative part of your brain, or just getting out in nature can be some helpful places to start.

  •  Look around you for other people who are embracing a broader concept of “being a man” and who you see either share their feelings, or who are supportive of others who do. You are not alone in these feelings. If there is no one in your community who you feel safe talking with, community places such as men’s sheds or local support groups might be a good place to start.

  • Making an appointment with you GP is essential if you are starting to experience thoughts of suicide. Your GP can refer you to a psychologist who can help you identify your emotions and build healthy coping mechanisms that work for you.

 Author: Tegan Bradilovic

Clinical Psychologist

 

References

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