Making Meaning Out Of #NewYearNewMe
Here we are again, at the start of a new year. While some may not place meaning on the 1st of January or believe in a quest for constant self-improvement, many of us see the new year as a chance to ‘start again’.
When we approach the new year as an opportunity to reflect on how we did last year and to plan for the year ahead, some of us may feel proud for achieving the goals we set, but for some, the new year can be a reminder of how we are not #goals yet again. The latter may then evoke feelings of being stuck or that our life isn’t heading in the direction we want - Isn’t it hard to be a human being sometimes?!
Despite how cringey the idea of #newyearnewme may sound, the start of any new year seems to be a catalyst for thinking about how to improve ourselves and our lives, hence we attempt to set goals.
Setting goals is a great idea, especially the ‘SMART’ ones. It helps us to organize our mind, makes our dreams feel more achievable, and by having goals we are a step closer towards being that ‘better human’ (whatever this means for you). We at Person Centred Psychology & Allied Health believe that hope is a noun, and that we can therefore hold hope much more firmly when we have a plan for how to improve things.
However, goals can be misleading. They can sometimes be arbitrary and give us a false sense of purpose and they always have an endpoint - I’ve achieved my goals and now what? The creation of goals without consideration of our values is a bit like spending money just because we have it. Reaching our goals (or even setting them) can sometimes be meaningless after all.
What are Values? They are not goals. Values are our hearts deepest desires, the kind of person we want to be, and what we want to stand for even if no one else knew. It is how we want to treat ourselves, others, and the world and not about how others perceive us (which we can never control anyway). Values are enduring and so we can always come back to them at any moment, no matter how many times we have gone off course!
Values can be seen as the journey we are on in life and goals are the things we do along the way. The value of mindfulness for example, could be approached by having the goal of being fully present and engaged when hanging out with a friend. Setting values-based goals will help us to create a meaningful life and even if don’t meet these goals, we can always respond to that in a values consistent way. We might for example be distracted by a fight we had with our partner when catching up with a friend and upon realisation, we could then apologise and re-engage in the conversation.
Understanding our values and living a life towards them is fulfilling, but for many of us unhooking from what we perceive society wants from us and connecting with what we as unique individuals really value can be tricky. Further, learning about what matters can bring up a lot of pain (the emotional kind). This could be because our current lives are in complete contrast to what we truly value; though pain can also show up as we step into the things we deeply care about. For example, someone who values achievement may decide to apply for a promotion at work, which would likely result in feelings of anxiety and a sense of self-doubt (pain). In other words, choosing values-based actions does not always lead to an immediate sense of happiness or excitement but in return, we get a life that is rich and meaningful (however you define that).
So, if you’ve been thinking about how to define #newyearnewme this year and the goals you want to achieve (which of course can be done at any time of the year), perhaps gaining clarity of your values might just be the first important step. Here are some basic ideas on how to discover your values and how to use them effectively to pivot towards the person you want to be:
Select an area of your life you want to improve on (e.g. relationships)
Within that area, think about who you truly want to be - values (e.g. curious, kind, thoughtful)
Create specific goals within that particular area based on the values relevant to it (e.g. being interested and engaged when a friend is talking about their life)
Action the goal!
If after reading this you are feeling baffled as to how to identify your core values, reaching out to a psychologist for support may help. Author Joel incorporates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) into his work. A core feature of ACT is the identification of values and learning how to not let pain pull you away from living a meaningful life.
Author: Joel Hoo
Clinical Psychologist